What We Resist — Persists. What We Feel — Heals.
Most of us are taught—directly or indirectly—that uncomfortable emotions are problems to get rid of. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “What you resist, persists.” But you may not have heard the other side of the coin: “What you feel, heals.” At first, that may sound confusing—how could feeling fear, sadness, anger, shame, or grief possibly be helpful? What this really means is that when we allow ourselves to turn toward our emotions rather than run from them, we create the conditions for insight, integration, and healing.
We’re often encouraged to develop emotional “masks” — to disregard or minimize what we feel, to “get over it,” or to force positive thinking. That may seem protective in the short term, but it robs us of opportunities to grow, learn, and cultivate resilience. And here’s the paradox: the more we fight our feelings, the stronger they become. Research shows that when we try not to think about something, our brain actually thinks about it more; psychologists call this the boomerang effect. Our emotions operate the same way. When we don’t want to feel something—like fear, anger, or sadness—we often bottle it up, pushing it down and pretending it doesn’t exist, or we brood, going over the same feelings again and again without taking meaningful action. Both patterns leave us stuck.
When emotions are bottled or suppressed, they don’t dissolve; they build pressure, a process known as amplification. Suppressed feelings often return louder—through stress, tension, cravings, emotional overwhelm, destructive anger, impulsive behaviors, or even distressing themes in our dreams. Avoidance teaches the nervous system that emotions are dangerous and must be escaped, but this disconnects us from ourselves, from others, and from the wisdom our inner world is trying to share (yes — there’s wisdom in the mess).
Instead of seeing emotions as problems to erase, it’s helpful to remember that they evolved to help us survive. Emotions are messengers, meaning-makers, and part of our biological guidance system. Like a compass, they point us toward what matters— toward what feels unsafe, what needs attention, or where we’re out of alignment. When we slow down and listen (even if it's just a 10-second pause), it becomes clear that our feelings have purpose. If we turn toward our emotions with curiosity, courage, and compassion, something powerful happens: they stop feeling like threats and begin to function as teachers. Inside every emotion is a value we care about, a need that’s unmet, or a source of pain asking for healing.
Turning toward our emotions doesn’t mean acting on them impulsively. It simply means listening first. Feelings are guides, not mandates for action. They can point us toward meaning and hand us the keys to deeper understanding, but they don’t have to control us. We can learn from them without being ruled by them. As I like to say:
When we turn toward our emotions with curiosity, courage, and compassion—they become our teachers, not our captors.
This is the beginning of emotional freedom—not eliminating feelings, but transforming our relationship with them. And when we change our relationship with our feelings, this new freedom begins to shape our relationships with others as well. We discover new sources of connection, find opportunities to create healthy boundaries, and begin to find courage in approaching vulnerability. Gradually, we start living more fully in alignment with our values and our needs. Over time, we come to see that what once appeared to be the obstacle—the difficult emotion, the discomfort, the vulnerability—actually becomes the way forward.
